Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
