I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
