They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
