So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
