Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
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we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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