Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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