If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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