You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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