I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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