i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
