hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
