I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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