I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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