I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
50% drunk capacity currently
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
