I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's rum buckets o'clock
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
