I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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