you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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