remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
