I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
