I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
