Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
