a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
