i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
