Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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