Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
