just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
