Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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