Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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