Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
