I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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