we're blogging at a bar
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
