when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
