i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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