i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize