I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
