I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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