My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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