so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
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You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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