when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
