Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
