I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
