I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
