the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
