If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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