Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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