Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
