I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
