Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
