he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
