Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
