thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
