I'm pants shitting drunk right now
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
