my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
It's just like the Real World with babies
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
