R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
