i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
