Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
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