this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
