So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Farmville is her only friend.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
