he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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