The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
ok first of all what the fuck
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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