Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
