I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He passed out mid-signature
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
