im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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