a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she told me i tasted like america
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
