ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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