I just saw a hot homeless man
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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