Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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