I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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