he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
