I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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