Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Success! We fucked roommates!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So. Much. Porn.
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