Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
